Wild Nights

by David Deida

Author David Deida Isbn 978 1591792338 File size 5 1 MB Year 2005 Pages 193 Language English File format PDF Category Relationships Wild Nights cuts through the illusions of modern spirituality into the depth of life before God Impure soaked with all bodily liquids pierced by clear recognition of death wide opened with the power of love living as love in any moment of daily life If you do not choose to be a hermit if you want to practice awakening within relationships in the realm wher

Publisher :

Author : David Deida

ISBN : 978 1591792338

Year : 2005

Language: English

File Size : 5.1 MB

Category : Relationships



Praise
for
David Deida
“David Deida’s work reveals a depth of loving the human condition and
understanding its immanent spirituality I’ve seldom seen, even in a glimmer. It’s hard for me to find words with which to express my appreciation
and admiration for this unique gift.”
Jenny Wade, Ph.D.,
author of Transcendent Sex: When Lovemaking Opens the Veil

“I feel that Deida has reached a new level of poetic genius in his writing
(and) his understanding of feminine psychology astounds me.”
Miranda Shaw, Ph.D.,
author of Passionate Enlightenment: Women in Tantric Buddhism

“The openness, the love! What lively new language David Deida finds for
the unsayable!”
Coleman Barks, author of The Essential Rumi
“David Deida is a jewel in the crown of those that are willing to live the
Truth beyond trying to escape into the Absolute. If you want to know how
deeply we can open to God, and how drastically this can be mirrored in
our daily lives, then David is your companion where others fear to tread.”
Vartman, author of Unreasonable Happiness

“He pulls no punches and brooks no weaknesses … his insights about male/
female interaction can’t help but stimulate a more active understanding of
this complicated dynamic than a galaxy of Mars/Venus clones.”
Napra Review

“David Deida must have the biggest balls in contemporary spirituality. Being able to teach and live integrated sex, relationship, and transcendence

is no easy task. It requires immense courage, wisdom, and, above all, fearless loving. In Deida, all this gets included in one radical teaching. Deida
gracefully illuminates and integrates the rawness of sex, the polarity of the
masculine/feminine relationship, and the heart’s true desire to transcend
it all. Through the communion of duality in its most obvious play, the
realization of Love/Oneness that lies at the very heart of us is recognised.
Deida is this love’s true poet, helping us to get real, get wild, open up, and
be truly liberated.”
Vijay Rana, The Watkins Review
“I have been exploring the subject of sacred sexuality for more than ten years
and find David Deida’s perspective radical, profound, and extremely effective. In David’s teaching, sex becomes an adventure in opening to love, as
love. His deep insights on the differences between masculine and feminine
spirituality are unique and unparalleled in my experience. His wisdom has
touched me profoundly and I recommend his work to anyone who wants to
transform their sexuality and their life.”
Cynthia Connop,
producer/director of the films Sacred Sex and Secrets of Sacred Sex

“David Deida is an extraordinary teacher of great wisdom and wit. He
speaks and writes with eloquent clarity ... a major contribution to the
exploration of masculine and feminine spirituality.”
Craig Schindler, J.D., Ph.D.,
author of The Great Turning President: Project Victory

“David Deida brings spirituality down from the clouds and back into our
bodies where it belongs. His no-nonsense approach to refining our spiritual
sensibilities comes as a welcome intervention to both New Age and conservative trends in contemporary spirituality. Deida helps us to get REAL in
a world where reality is an increasingly rare commodity.”
MARIANA CAPLAN,
author of Halfway Up the Mountain: The Error of Premature Claims to Enlightenment

wi ld
nights

conversations with
Mykonos about

wi ld
nights
passionate love,
extraordinary sex,
and how to
open to God

David Deida

IMPORTANT CAUTION
Please read this
Although anyone may find the practices, disciplines, and understandings in this
book to be useful, it is made available with the understanding that neither the
author nor the publisher are engaged in presenting specific medical, psychological, emotional, sexual, or spiritual advice. Nor is anything in this book intended
to be a diagnosis, prescription, recommendation, or cure for any specific kind of
medical, psychological, emotional, sexual, or spiritual problem. Each person has
unique needs and this book cannot take these individual differences into account.
Each person should engage in a program of treatment, prevention, cure, or general health only in consultation with a licensed, qualified physician, therapist, or
other competent professional. Any person suffering from venereal disease or any
local illness of his or her sexual organs or prostate gland should consult a medical doctor and a qualified instructor of sexual yoga before practicing the sexual
methods described in this book.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the
products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance
to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is
entirely coincidental.
Sounds True, Inc., Boulder, CO 80306
© 2005 David Deida
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission from the author and publisher.
Published 2005
Printed in Canada
ISBN 1-59179-233-9
Library of Congress Control Number 2004114681

Table
of
contents
Foreword by Gabriel Cousens, M.D. ...........xi
Preface....................................................... xiii
1 The Red Realm................................1
2

Wild Night...................................... 13

3 Thimble...........................................45
4

Blue Truth.......................................55

5

Beyond Bondage............................69

6

She Comes in Two......................... 81

7 Love’s Wound.................................97
8

Being Claimed.............................. 117

9 Two White Doves........................123
10 Letting Go.....................................133
11 Big Waves.....................................149
12

Cats and Dogs..............................163

13

Burden of Bliss............................. 177

David Deida Resources . ...........................189
About the Author.......................................193

xi

Foreword

Wild Nights by David Deida

presents us with a spiritual challenge. This book dares us to open
ourselves to the fullest expression of Divine Love in every single
moment with every being and every thing. The tantalizing proposition of this book is: Are we willing to be ecstatically and fearlessly
present within our everyday experience? Are we willing to keep
our hearts open to be continuously consumed by the “Laughing
Mama?” Are we willing to choose to continuously make love with
the Divine One?
In Wild Nights, David makes brilliant use of our society’s focus
on sexuality as a medium to inspire us, “to be smithereened in bliss,
opened beyond all limits, loved absolutely, to give of ourselves completely to infinity.” David plays joyfully, powerfully, and masterfully
with his teacher’s message, at a level of spiritual clarity that is awesome. With finesse, David guides us into the experience “where fuck
becomes more than sex, where it becomes the pulse of God.”
As with the Medieval Kabbalahists and the Sufi poetry of
Kabir and Hafiz, where sex is a metaphor for opening to the
Foreword

Divine dance, this book exposes us to the experience of Kashmir
Shavism, or the Truth of Tantra. We are taken far deeper than the
genital location, to the fearless state of vulnerability where we
are penetrated by God in every moment. We are led beyond the
illusion of doing self-improvement and Tantric techniques, to the

xii

surrendered, unlimited, direct state of being the Ultimate Truth
in every moment.
Wild Nights is a radically effective work that can arouse a shift
of consciousness in a way that knocks on the doors of Liberation.
Beyond the fear of death and the fear of life, we begin to pulse with
the scintillating, synchronous non-dual / dual play of consciousness
in every moment. We open to Life and Love in every breath. This
creates the mind space where we die into the infinite openness of
the total, uninhibited, raw Truth. The answer to David’s dare is:
Yes, we can be fully present, with our hearts available, continuously
choosing to make love with the Divine One. For those who are
ready, this book propels us into the final leap of faith, beyond the
frontier of the mind, into the pulsating, ecstatic silent That—where
all illusions are stripped away and we dance naked with God.
Gabriel Cousens, M.D.,
author of Spiritual Nutrition and the Rainbow Diet

Wild Nights

xiii

preface

I am often asked if Wild Nights is fact or

fiction. I like to answer a little of both.
Some of the events described convey personal changes in my life.
Some are fictional events created to reflect my own internal fears, fantasies, and desires. None of the characters or dialogs are “real” in the
sense that they accurately portray any actual persons living or dead,
or any conversations now or then. And I certainly do not intend this
story to be a recommendation of “spiritual” instructions to others.
As for honoring the traditions of authentic spiritual wisdom, let
me state clearly that Wild Nights in no way attempts to represent any
existing teacher or spiritual tradition. There are great teachings and
teachers to which I can only point, and if I have turned anyone to their
magnificent light, then I will have accomplished what I set out to do.
May the Lord forgive me for adding to the surfeit of spiritual
consumerism, and also for the heresies and wrong views that I have
knowingly or inadvertently committed in Wild Nights.
David Deida

Preface

1

The
Red
Realm

1

“Hello, my friend,” Mykonos said

when I opened the door, answering his knock.
He stood outside my cabin, grinning a horse’s smile, wearing
shorts and a tank top.
“Hi,” I said, welcoming Mykonos into my small home. “Come
on in.”
The one-room beach cabin had no furniture. Mykonos
stepped inside, looked around the room for a moment, and sat
on the wood floor.
“I didn’t expect to see you, Mykonos.”
“Well, I just thought I’d stop in. Is that OK?”
“Of course. I’m just surprised that you’re here.”
I had met Mykonos twice before. The first time was a few years
earlier, after Mykonos had been ousted by his spiritual teacher and
shunned by his fellow students who he had, supposedly, threatened
to beat with a baseball bat.
Then, a week before his appearance at my cabin door, I ran
into Mykonos on the beach. We sat together and talked about God,
The Red Realm

who Mykonos called the “Great One.” We watched women walk
by, and Mykonos expounded on the spiritual capacity of women’s
genitals, which stunned me.
When I joked that he seemed obsessed with women, he said,
“What would you rather consider besides sex and death?” Not

2

much, I admitted, and Mykonos nodded slightly, looking deep
into my eyes. For a moment, everything stopped—no sounds, no
motion, even my breath stopped—and then Mykonos got up to go.
From the beach, I pointed out my cabin to Mykonos, but I never
expected him to actually show up.
“Do you have any cold ones?” Mykonos asked, looking toward
my refrigerator.
I figured he wanted a beer. But I didn’t have any beer. I
didn’t drink. My life was very strict. I did three to five hours of
spiritual practices in my little cabin every day, and I was a diehard vegetarian.
“I don’t have any beer,” I told him.
For a few minutes, Mykonos made some small talk and then got
up and left. I regretted that I didn’t have any beer to offer him. I
knew that Mykonos had a lot to offer me.
Mykonos was a man as ugly as he was tough. I had heard
that he grew up on the streets, playing hockey, boxing, and getting into more than his share of trouble. He was also a decorated
Vietnam veteran. After recovering from nearly fatal battle wounds,
Mykonos, still a very young man, turned from the world and
wholly devoted himself to spiritual growth. He spent twenty years
Wild Nights

studying at the feet of his spiritual teacher before being kicked out,
ending up in the same coastal town where I lived.
I knew that he spoke from an enormous wealth of spiritual
knowledge—what I didn’t know is that he walked his talk with a
vengeance, and that he was about to walk into my life and change
it forever.
The next time Mykonos showed up at my cabin door, I was
prepared. A six-pack waited in the refrigerator.
Mykonos came in and sat on the floor. He seemed particularly
animated.
“Do you have any cold ones, my friend?” he asked.
I went to the refrigerator, secretly smiling, and grabbed two cans.
One for me, one for him. I handed Mykonos a beer and sat down in
front of him. He popped the top and raised the beer high.
“To the Great One,” he toasted.
“To the Great One,” I replied.
We both took a sip. I couldn’t believe it. I was drinking beer.
In my spiritual efforts to live a healthy life, I viewed alcohol as
poison. But I had to trust Mykonos. If he wanted to drink beer
with me, then there must be a reason. I was willing to go along
with him and find out.
He took out a pack of cigarettes and lit one. I swallowed.
Cigarettes? I had been pure for so long. I hadn’t eaten meat,
or even drank tea, for more than fifteen years. I didn’t want to
throw away years of devout purity for a few hours of chatting
with a guy who looked like a cross between an ax murderer
The Red Realm

3

and a car wash attendant. Mykonos was not a big man, though
you wouldn’t want to mess with him. Between his knees and
his shorts, scars from shrapnel wounds crisscrossed the flesh
of his thighs. He had a certain look in his eyes, as if he knew
death—from both sides.

4

As soon as he lit up his cigarette, I was sure Mykonos felt my
fear and resistance. He placed the pack within my reach and nodded toward it, indicating that I could help myself. I didn’t.
Mykonos took a long drag on his cigarette, and then exhaled
very slowly. Smoke filled the room of my clean cabin. He took
another sip from his can of beer.
“Ah yesss,” Mykonos sighed. “The lady is all around us.” He
made a sweeping gesture with his hand as if to indicate the beach,
or maybe the entire world, outside my cabin. “She is beautiful,
is she not? And she’d just as soon kill you. Eat you alive. What
a bitch. What a beautiful bitch. Do you have any idea what I am
talking about?”
Startled by his vulgar language, I nodded, hoping he would tell
me more.
We both continued drinking beer in silence. I waited. Then
Mykonos spoke of seemingly random things: books, sports,
schemes to make money. I felt he was testing me. Seeing if I would
bite. Finding out if I was ready to receive what he had to give, or
whether I would be satisfied with small talk and common chat.
Meanwhile, I was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol. By
then we had each drunk almost three beers. Having been a long-time
Wild Nights

teetotaler, I was beginning to spin a little bit. I was losing the thread
of the conversation.
“Breathe it down, my friend. Suck her down your front. Breathe
her down to here,” Mykonos said, firmly grabbing his crotch,
which frightened me. “Why separate yourself from her? Hmmm?
Why not take it to her? She wants you. She’s gonna get you one
way or another. She’s gonna chew you up when you die. And after
you die? On the other side? She’s waiting for you there, too. You
can’t escape her, my friend.”
Mykonos took another drag off his cigarette. I was wordless.
Reeling.
“No amount of your so-called spiritual practice can save you
from her,” Mykonos continued. “You can’t get away. You can only
love. You can live in fear, or you can dance with her. And when
you love her without holding back, when you see her as she really
is, through and through, she dies in bliss. You know? Only bliss.
But if you can’t get her to spread her legs, if you won’t even drink a
beer, if you are too uptight to breathe her down to here, then she’s
just gonna laugh at you. We are talking about a big lady. A very big
lady. Your agenda doesn’t mean shit to her.”
As he spoke, I felt dizzy, and my gut tensed. His words were
crude, but he was right. I had equated spiritual practice with squelching my desires, denying them, suppressing them. I could sit in a
clean room by myself and meditate for hours, but I wouldn’t dance
with what Mykonos called “the lady.” I was afraid of life. I was afraid
of death. I was afraid even to drink a beer and lose my purity.
The Red Realm

5



Praise
for
David Deida
“David Deida’s work reveals a depth of loving the human condition and
understanding its immanent spirituality I’ve seldom seen, even in a glimmer. It’s hard for me to find words with which to express my appreciation
and admiration for this unique gift.”
Jenny Wade, Ph.D.,
author of Transcendent Sex: When Lovemaking Opens the Veil

“I feel that Deida has reached a new level of poetic genius in his writing
(and) his understanding of feminine psychology astounds me.”
Miranda Shaw, Ph.D.,
author of Passionate Enlightenment: Women in Tantric Buddhism

“The openness, the love! What lively new language David Deida finds for
the unsayable!”
Coleman Barks, author of The Essential Rumi
“David Deida is a jewel in the crown of those that are willing to live the
Truth beyond trying to escape into the Absolute. If you want to know how
deeply we can open to God, and how drastically this can be mirrored in
our daily lives, then David is your companion where others fear to tread.”
Vartman, author of Unreasonable Happiness

“He pulls no punches and brooks no weaknesses … his insights about male/
female interaction can’t help but stimulate a more active understanding of
this complicated dynamic than a galaxy of Mars/Venus clones.”
Napra Review

“David Deida must have the biggest balls in contemporary spirituality. Being able to teach and live integrated sex, relationship, and transcendence

is no easy task. It requires immense courage, wisdom, and, above all, fearless loving. In Deida, all this gets included in one radical teaching. Deida
gracefully illuminates and integrates the rawness of sex, the polarity of the
masculine/feminine relationship, and the heart’s true desire to transcend
it all. Through the communion of duality in its most obvious play, the
realization of Love/Oneness that lies at the very heart of us is recognised.
Deida is this love’s true poet, helping us to get real, get wild, open up, and
be truly liberated.”
Vijay Rana, The Watkins Review
“I have been exploring the subject of sacred sexuality for more than ten years
and find David Deida’s perspective radical, profound, and extremely effective. In David’s teaching, sex becomes an adventure in opening to love, as
love. His deep insights on the differences between masculine and feminine
spirituality are unique and unparalleled in my experience. His wisdom has
touched me profoundly and I recommend his work to anyone who wants to
transform their sexuality and their life.”
Cynthia Connop,
producer/director of the films Sacred Sex and Secrets of Sacred Sex

“David Deida is an extraordinary teacher of great wisdom and wit. He
speaks and writes with eloquent clarity ... a major contribution to the
exploration of masculine and feminine spirituality.”
Craig Schindler, J.D., Ph.D.,
author of The Great Turning President: Project Victory

“David Deida brings spirituality down from the clouds and back into our
bodies where it belongs. His no-nonsense approach to refining our spiritual
sensibilities comes as a welcome intervention to both New Age and conservative trends in contemporary spirituality. Deida helps us to get REAL in
a world where reality is an increasingly rare commodity.”
MARIANA CAPLAN,
author of Halfway Up the Mountain: The Error of Premature Claims to Enlightenment

wi ld
nights

conversations with
Mykonos about

wi ld
nights
passionate love,
extraordinary sex,
and how to
open to God

David Deida

IMPORTANT CAUTION
Please read this
Although anyone may find the practices, disciplines, and understandings in this
book to be useful, it is made available with the understanding that neither the
author nor the publisher are engaged in presenting specific medical, psychological, emotional, sexual, or spiritual advice. Nor is anything in this book intended
to be a diagnosis, prescription, recommendation, or cure for any specific kind of
medical, psychological, emotional, sexual, or spiritual problem. Each person has
unique needs and this book cannot take these individual differences into account.
Each person should engage in a program of treatment, prevention, cure, or general health only in consultation with a licensed, qualified physician, therapist, or
other competent professional. Any person suffering from venereal disease or any
local illness of his or her sexual organs or prostate gland should consult a medical doctor and a qualified instructor of sexual yoga before practicing the sexual
methods described in this book.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either the
products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance
to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is
entirely coincidental.
Sounds True, Inc., Boulder, CO 80306
© 2005 David Deida
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission from the author and publisher.
Published 2005
Printed in Canada
ISBN 1-59179-233-9
Library of Congress Control Number 2004114681

Table
of
contents
Foreword by Gabriel Cousens, M.D. ...........xi
Preface....................................................... xiii
1 The Red Realm................................1
2

Wild Night...................................... 13

3 Thimble...........................................45
4

Blue Truth.......................................55

5

Beyond Bondage............................69

6

She Comes in Two......................... 81

7 Love’s Wound.................................97
8

Being Claimed.............................. 117

9 Two White Doves........................123
10 Letting Go.....................................133
11 Big Waves.....................................149
12

Cats and Dogs..............................163

13

Burden of Bliss............................. 177

David Deida Resources . ...........................189
About the Author.......................................193

xi

Foreword

Wild Nights by David Deida

presents us with a spiritual challenge. This book dares us to open
ourselves to the fullest expression of Divine Love in every single
moment with every being and every thing. The tantalizing proposition of this book is: Are we willing to be ecstatically and fearlessly
present within our everyday experience? Are we willing to keep
our hearts open to be continuously consumed by the “Laughing
Mama?” Are we willing to choose to continuously make love with
the Divine One?
In Wild Nights, David makes brilliant use of our society’s focus
on sexuality as a medium to inspire us, “to be smithereened in bliss,
opened beyond all limits, loved absolutely, to give of ourselves completely to infinity.” David plays joyfully, powerfully, and masterfully
with his teacher’s message, at a level of spiritual clarity that is awesome. With finesse, David guides us into the experience “where fuck
becomes more than sex, where it becomes the pulse of God.”
As with the Medieval Kabbalahists and the Sufi poetry of
Kabir and Hafiz, where sex is a metaphor for opening to the
Foreword

Divine dance, this book exposes us to the experience of Kashmir
Shavism, or the Truth of Tantra. We are taken far deeper than the
genital location, to the fearless state of vulnerability where we
are penetrated by God in every moment. We are led beyond the
illusion of doing self-improvement and Tantric techniques, to the

xii

surrendered, unlimited, direct state of being the Ultimate Truth
in every moment.
Wild Nights is a radically effective work that can arouse a shift
of consciousness in a way that knocks on the doors of Liberation.
Beyond the fear of death and the fear of life, we begin to pulse with
the scintillating, synchronous non-dual / dual play of consciousness
in every moment. We open to Life and Love in every breath. This
creates the mind space where we die into the infinite openness of
the total, uninhibited, raw Truth. The answer to David’s dare is:
Yes, we can be fully present, with our hearts available, continuously
choosing to make love with the Divine One. For those who are
ready, this book propels us into the final leap of faith, beyond the
frontier of the mind, into the pulsating, ecstatic silent That—where
all illusions are stripped away and we dance naked with God.
Gabriel Cousens, M.D.,
author of Spiritual Nutrition and the Rainbow Diet

Wild Nights

xiii

preface

I am often asked if Wild Nights is fact or

fiction. I like to answer a little of both.
Some of the events described convey personal changes in my life.
Some are fictional events created to reflect my own internal fears, fantasies, and desires. None of the characters or dialogs are “real” in the
sense that they accurately portray any actual persons living or dead,
or any conversations now or then. And I certainly do not intend this
story to be a recommendation of “spiritual” instructions to others.
As for honoring the traditions of authentic spiritual wisdom, let
me state clearly that Wild Nights in no way attempts to represent any
existing teacher or spiritual tradition. There are great teachings and
teachers to which I can only point, and if I have turned anyone to their
magnificent light, then I will have accomplished what I set out to do.
May the Lord forgive me for adding to the surfeit of spiritual
consumerism, and also for the heresies and wrong views that I have
knowingly or inadvertently committed in Wild Nights.
David Deida

Preface

1

The
Red
Realm

1

“Hello, my friend,” Mykonos said

when I opened the door, answering his knock.
He stood outside my cabin, grinning a horse’s smile, wearing
shorts and a tank top.
“Hi,” I said, welcoming Mykonos into my small home. “Come
on in.”
The one-room beach cabin had no furniture. Mykonos
stepped inside, looked around the room for a moment, and sat
on the wood floor.
“I didn’t expect to see you, Mykonos.”
“Well, I just thought I’d stop in. Is that OK?”
“Of course. I’m just surprised that you’re here.”
I had met Mykonos twice before. The first time was a few years
earlier, after Mykonos had been ousted by his spiritual teacher and
shunned by his fellow students who he had, supposedly, threatened
to beat with a baseball bat.
Then, a week before his appearance at my cabin door, I ran
into Mykonos on the beach. We sat together and talked about God,
The Red Realm

who Mykonos called the “Great One.” We watched women walk
by, and Mykonos expounded on the spiritual capacity of women’s
genitals, which stunned me.
When I joked that he seemed obsessed with women, he said,
“What would you rather consider besides sex and death?” Not

2

much, I admitted, and Mykonos nodded slightly, looking deep
into my eyes. For a moment, everything stopped—no sounds, no
motion, even my breath stopped—and then Mykonos got up to go.
From the beach, I pointed out my cabin to Mykonos, but I never
expected him to actually show up.
“Do you have any cold ones?” Mykonos asked, looking toward
my refrigerator.
I figured he wanted a beer. But I didn’t have any beer. I
didn’t drink. My life was very strict. I did three to five hours of
spiritual practices in my little cabin every day, and I was a diehard vegetarian.
“I don’t have any beer,” I told him.
For a few minutes, Mykonos made some small talk and then got
up and left. I regretted that I didn’t have any beer to offer him. I
knew that Mykonos had a lot to offer me.
Mykonos was a man as ugly as he was tough. I had heard
that he grew up on the streets, playing hockey, boxing, and getting into more than his share of trouble. He was also a decorated
Vietnam veteran. After recovering from nearly fatal battle wounds,
Mykonos, still a very young man, turned from the world and
wholly devoted himself to spiritual growth. He spent twenty years
Wild Nights

studying at the feet of his spiritual teacher before being kicked out,
ending up in the same coastal town where I lived.
I knew that he spoke from an enormous wealth of spiritual
knowledge—what I didn’t know is that he walked his talk with a
vengeance, and that he was about to walk into my life and change
it forever.
The next time Mykonos showed up at my cabin door, I was
prepared. A six-pack waited in the refrigerator.
Mykonos came in and sat on the floor. He seemed particularly
animated.
“Do you have any cold ones, my friend?” he asked.
I went to the refrigerator, secretly smiling, and grabbed two cans.
One for me, one for him. I handed Mykonos a beer and sat down in
front of him. He popped the top and raised the beer high.
“To the Great One,” he toasted.
“To the Great One,” I replied.
We both took a sip. I couldn’t believe it. I was drinking beer.
In my spiritual efforts to live a healthy life, I viewed alcohol as
poison. But I had to trust Mykonos. If he wanted to drink beer
with me, then there must be a reason. I was willing to go along
with him and find out.
He took out a pack of cigarettes and lit one. I swallowed.
Cigarettes? I had been pure for so long. I hadn’t eaten meat,
or even drank tea, for more than fifteen years. I didn’t want to
throw away years of devout purity for a few hours of chatting
with a guy who looked like a cross between an ax murderer
The Red Realm

3

and a car wash attendant. Mykonos was not a big man, though
you wouldn’t want to mess with him. Between his knees and
his shorts, scars from shrapnel wounds crisscrossed the flesh
of his thighs. He had a certain look in his eyes, as if he knew
death—from both sides.

4

As soon as he lit up his cigarette, I was sure Mykonos felt my
fear and resistance. He placed the pack within my reach and nodded toward it, indicating that I could help myself. I didn’t.
Mykonos took a long drag on his cigarette, and then exhaled
very slowly. Smoke filled the room of my clean cabin. He took
another sip from his can of beer.
“Ah yesss,” Mykonos sighed. “The lady is all around us.” He
made a sweeping gesture with his hand as if to indicate the beach,
or maybe the entire world, outside my cabin. “She is beautiful,
is she not? And she’d just as soon kill you. Eat you alive. What
a bitch. What a beautiful bitch. Do you have any idea what I am
talking about?”
Startled by his vulgar language, I nodded, hoping he would tell
me more.
We both continued drinking beer in silence. I waited. Then
Mykonos spoke of seemingly random things: books, sports,
schemes to make money. I felt he was testing me. Seeing if I would
bite. Finding out if I was ready to receive what he had to give, or
whether I would be satisfied with small talk and common chat.
Meanwhile, I was starting to feel the effects of the alcohol. By
then we had each drunk almost three beers. Having been a long-time
Wild Nights

teetotaler, I was beginning to spin a little bit. I was losing the thread
of the conversation.
“Breathe it down, my friend. Suck her down your front. Breathe
her down to here,” Mykonos said, firmly grabbing his crotch,
which frightened me. “Why separate yourself from her? Hmmm?
Why not take it to her? She wants you. She’s gonna get you one
way or another. She’s gonna chew you up when you die. And after
you die? On the other side? She’s waiting for you there, too. You
can’t escape her, my friend.”
Mykonos took another drag off his cigarette. I was wordless.
Reeling.
“No amount of your so-called spiritual practice can save you
from her,” Mykonos continued. “You can’t get away. You can only
love. You can live in fear, or you can dance with her. And when
you love her without holding back, when you see her as she really
is, through and through, she dies in bliss. You know? Only bliss.
But if you can’t get her to spread her legs, if you won’t even drink a
beer, if you are too uptight to breathe her down to here, then she’s
just gonna laugh at you. We are talking about a big lady. A very big
lady. Your agenda doesn’t mean shit to her.”
As he spoke, I felt dizzy, and my gut tensed. His words were
crude, but he was right. I had equated spiritual practice with squelching my desires, denying them, suppressing them. I could sit in a
clean room by myself and meditate for hours, but I wouldn’t dance
with what Mykonos called “the lady.” I was afraid of life. I was afraid
of death. I was afraid even to drink a beer and lose my purity.
The Red Realm

5

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